Educationing in Parenting Day 1 & 2

So shortly after Connor was born, my sister came in and was his first official visitor.  It was great being able to share that moment with her and I can see the absolute joy on her face as she now officially an aunt.  She was awesome enough to buy us snacks and Subway, which absolutely hit the spot given that we hadn't eaten since around noonish and with the adrenaline wearing off, I was getting a little dizzy. 

Once she took off, we got settled into our hospital room and then the "fun" began.  Barbara got her first taste of attempting to breast feed and it wasn't pleasant.  I think there are any words to describe it other then painful and uncomfortable and on top of that the epidural was starting to wear off so she was starting to feel the damage that occurred during the pregnancy.  Even worse, her feet became so bloated that you could leave thumb prints in there and it became painful for her to walk.  And when you think it can't get any worse, she also developed awful hemorrhoids which impacted her ability to sit and made it super painful when she went to the bathroom.  So while she's dealing with all of that, I'm working on changing a diaper & trying to get the little man to sleep.  The diaper was horrifying because even though I was warned that the poop would be gnarly at first, you never really realize how bad it is until you have to clean it.  It was like cleaning up a bunch of tootsie rolls that melted in the diaper.  And then attempting to swaddle the kid + get him to sleep was a total mystery to me.  I didn't really know the right way to hold him and how to get the swaddle so tight that he wouldn't break through.  Luckily the nurses were around to help out, but I came to the quick realization that I had NO CLUE what I was doing.  The nurses ended up taking Connor away for a little bit just so Barbara and I could catch up on some sleep.

When we woke the next morning, Barbara was REALLY feeling the pain and it wasn't pleasant.  She held up well especially since we had our first visitors around ~10AM - my dad and step mom and Barbara's mom/dad/brother.  From there on out, it was a constant rotation of visitors coming in and out, taking pictures, bringing us food/coffee, and just holding our little guy.  All the family / friends that showed up, texted, facebook'd, etc. really made us feel loved and supported.  It also got Barbara's mind off the extreme pain she was going through.  Unfortunately once everyone left, it was back to the pain and it was tough to watch.  She'd be in tears as she struggled through the breast feeding and just generally sitting in bed.  The bathroom was her enemy as she went through a major routine of cleaning and doing other unmentionable things just to go pee.

On the 2nd day, we essentially took EVERYTHING we could from the hospital that would help ease Barbara's pain.  I also had to deal with watching what I thought was the most painful event I have ever seen....Connor's circumcision.  The tools they put around his penis are things that you see in horror movies.  Luckily the kid was a champ - he barely cried, though he did leave a poop present for the doctor.  We also had a lactation consultant come in and try to give Barbara some tips on breast feeding.  They're super nice people, but they're a little snobby when it comes to feeding.  Essentially their job is to tell that breast feeding can be easy and at no given point in time should formula been given to your child.  I'll write more on this later as there are more horror stories to come.

Around 11AM, we packed up, got Connor into his car seat (which he HATED off the bat) and got into the old RDX and went home.  It was an exciting / scary day, but it was only the beginning of our little adventure....

Little man sleeping - of course his arm popped out of the swaddle.

One of my favorites - he's the cutest kid here.  We're watching Sunday Night Football together.

Philrin holding Connor

Connor giving a little yawn to Holly

My mom holding her grandchild.

Proud grandparents (Bob's parents)

Picture of Connor after being cleaned up

My dad

He decided to open his eye and see what was going on

    

My water broke....

Those were the words I was dreading to hear.  Barbara would wake up multiple times a night to go to the bathroom and I'd always wake up hoping that she wouldn't say those words.  Not because I didn't want Connor to show up, but more because it signified the end of one era and the beginning of a new one.  One that we had no clue what we're doing, but were going to be responsible for this little life and to ensure we gave him the best life that possibly could provide him.  It meant we'd transition to a life of spontaneity, to one of endless nights of trying to get the little one to go to sleep.

The morning after we put the tree up, Barbara woke up around 5 AM and said "Bryant, I think my water broke."  I woke up asking if she was sure and she described what had come out of her (gross) and I knew it was time.  She called the hospital to verify and because she wasn't having any contractions they asked her to wait an hour to see if she was still leaking.  As we waiting, I got up and started cleaning the house.  For some reason the only thought that ran through my mind was "Barbara will hate seeing a messy house when she comes home from the hospital."  So I did all of our dishes, I took out the trash, and put out the bins knowing that we'd be in the hospital for a couple days and if I didn't put out the bins, we'd miss a week of trash day.  After the hour passed, Barbara called the nurse again and verified she was still leaking.  They essentially said since she wasn't having contractions, we could take our time getting ready and just to get to the hospital some time that morning.  After hearing that, I started to relax a bit, made some coffee and I ended up playing with my newest toys - Xbox One and PS4.  I played a few games of Madden and a little Assasin's Creed while Barbara took a shower and ate some breakfast.  Once she was all done, we ended up packing the car and headed out to the hospital.

The car ride was a little bit of a blur.  Reality started to sync in that we were about to enter the hospital as just husband and wife and that we'd be leaving as parents.  There was a lot of excitement, anxiety, and a thousand thoughts in my head on what this whole experience would be like.

We got to the hospital around 11AM, checked in and then went to our room which was already all set up and prepped.  Since Barbara was still not having any contractions, they ended up giving her a drug called petocin to help speed up the process.  The way the drug worked was that every hour, Barbara's uterus would be dilated 1cm per hour until she reached 10cm.  When we got there, she was only 1 cm dilated, so we were in for a long ride.  Once she got the drug, she started to feel the contractions and the pains that went with them after roughly an hour or so.  She got to 2.5 hours before she had me run out to the nurse to get an epidural.  Barbara loves to tell folks about how she's a light weight when it comes to pain and she contrasts this with her best friend Michelle, who lasted 20 hours in labor before she needed an epidural.  So a nice Japanese man comes in, tells us he's the anesthesiologist, and starts prepping Barbara for the meds.  I didn't watch the needle go in because I hate needles, but I gave her my hand and could tell there was some pain based on how she was squeezing my hand.  The irony of it all was that the anesthetic needle was the worst pain she felt all day.  Well, actually, she ended up having 2-3 IV needles poked in her because the nurse had messed up the first time.

Once the epidural was in, we were both living on "easy street" for the next 6-7 hours.  We killed some time by catching up on episodes of Bones & Castle.  Barbara also got a small nap in while, I just lied in the dark, trying to get some sleep.  The combination of me being a light sleeper and room being so noisy with all the machines running in the background + just the anxiety of being a father in less then 24 hours had my mind just completely racing.  "What will he look like?  Will he like me?  I wonder if he'll have my attitude or Barbara's?" - things like that would creep in my mind.

As the time passed on, the nurse comes in around 8:15PM and says we're going to prep Barbara to push.  I had zero plans on watching any part of that birth because blood just creeps me out, but the nurse asked if I can hold one of her legs up while she pushed and just felt like it'd the wrong move to say no.  Auntie Michelle showed up around that time and was in charge of holding Barbara's neck up and also to give some words of encouragement.  The pushing started around 8:45 PM and it was just insane to watch how much work it was for Barbara.  Every 2 minutes, Barbara would have to push as hard as she could for 10 secs, take a deep breath and push even harder for another 10, and take one more deep breath and push as hard as she could.  I was watching her in pure awe and amazement on how she was able to dig deep to keep this up.  In between pushes, we'd have some pretty casual conversations with the nurses who were fantastic at keeping things light.  One time I ended up yawning and of course Barbara calls me out and says "Is this boring you?"  This pushing and pausing would keep going for roughly an hour or so.  They've now given Barbara an oxygen mask to catch her breath and they've now called in the doctor to help deliver.  Barbara's normal OBGYN was off that weekend, so Dr. Dang, her back up came in.  She was super nice and soft spoken and was definitely a calming presence in the delivery room.

The part that I didn't totally realize is that the hospital doesn't call the doctor in until the last possible minute OR because there are complications.  There was a little bit of both for our little guy - the umbilical cord got stuck around him which was slowing down his breathing, so it was key for Barbara to push him out soon or they'd probably have to resort to surgery.

Around that time, I could start seeing Connor's head and once I saw that it was like I couldn't take my eyes off of him.  I couldn't believe that I had ever thought that I wasn't going to watch this miracle entering our world.  Honestly it was the most amazing thing that I had ever seen.  By the time the doctor showed up, they had put Barbara's legs in stirrups and had moved me to be closer to Barbara's head and to hold her hand.  As the last pushes came out, I could see this little face appear.  He indeed had the umbilical cord around his neck, which the doctor promptly cut to break him loose.  After his shoulders came up, he just slid right out into the doctor's arms.

At 10:40PM on November 30th, 2013 - the most beautiful little guy entered our world.  They laid Connor on Barbara and immediate tears came from her, Michelle, and myself.  We all knew what a struggle it was to even get to this point and there was even a point in time where we lost hope that we could even have a kid, but all of that was forgotten in that moment, because it was truly pure bliss.  Connor let out his (now signature) soft cry and let us know he was breathing.  My initial thought was "Man he looks a lot like Barbara!" and that I couldn't wait to hold him.  They picked him up and started cleaning him off and weighing him.  He came in at 19 inches long and 7 lbs even.  

As things calmed down a bit, they had me hold him while they cleaned/stitched Barbara up.  I called our families to let them know that he arrived - all with different reactions.  My dad and mom were both kind of calm, but could tell they were happy.  Uncle James was thrilled and excited, but had to focus on his date.  Bob's Mom and Dad were dancing in their rooms.  They moved us into our recovery room where we started our first night as parents and truly learned what life will be like with no sleep.       

After the whole experience, I learned 2 important things:
1.  Barbara is an absolute trooper.  Pregnancy and labor was not easy, but Barbara did a great job in making it look easy. 
2.  Being a father is one of the most special experiences that I've ever had in my life.   

First Family Photo

Connor opening his eyes

Showing his signature pout

Really looks a lot like Barbara here

The last 4 weeks before parenthood.....

So the last 4 weeks of Barbara's pregnancy were filled with anticipation, preparation, and getting as much sleep as possible before the big day.  She went on maternity leave on Halloween and spent the month just really catching up on "me" time.  Barbara doesn't take a lot of vacations and doesn't take a lot of time to be by herself - she thrives on being around people (which is totally opposite of me), but this was a time for her kind of wind down, relax, and enjoy a little time where there wasn't much responsibility.

We went to a few baby classes which were long (4 & 8 hours), but they were informative and useful.  It was comforting to be in a room with other 1st time parents.  I learned quickly that I knew nothing about changing diapers or how to properly bathe our kid.  We learned some labor exercises for Barbara which ended up never being used because she had an epidural.  We had to watch this cringe worthy video where they played Bette Midler's "The Rose" while watching all of these parents holding their new born babies.  You'd think this would be a touching video, but it was just more awkward because a lot of the moms had their "labor faces" on and those were more comical then anything.  The only thing I walked away with was that I was CONVINCED that I wouldn't watch the birth mainly because I'm not good with blood and also the birthing of the placenta was the most horrid thing I've ever watched.   

After the classes, Barbara went to the doctor pretty much every week.  There was a minor scare that the baby wasn't facing the right way, but she was diligent about making sure we went for walks and did some exercises to increase the chances that he'd turn himself around.  I think we were as prepared as we could be - hospital bags were packed, I was working but ensured to delegate/assign tasks for people while I was out, and Connor's room was prepped (though ironically he hasn't used it yet...that's for a later post).  Her two good friends had their babies early, in fact right after they went on maternity, but for us Connor wanted to stay in there until the end.

As we got to his original due date which was 11/24, nothing had happened and it was pretty uneventful.  Admittedly though, I was always on edge and anxious because I knew Barbara's water could break at ANY given time.  She went to the bathroom multiple times at night and I always prayed that she wouldn't wake me up that it was time to go.  Who knows how my brain would function at 2AM with little sleep!

A week later, I started my paternity leave/vacation and got to wind down a bit myself.  I was actually relieved that Connor hadn't shown up because that meant I could play with my new toys - Xbox One and PS4.  I knew Connor was MY SON because only my kid would understand that daddy needed to play some videogames first.  We ended up spending Thanksgiving with our families - all of them concerned and wondering when baby Connor would show up.  The day after, we were getting kind of stir crazy, so we ended up getting a Christmas tree and decorating it.  It was our first house, Barbara loves Christmas, and loves real trees, so it all made sense.  It also got us out of our house which was equally as important.  Once we finished decorating, Barbara took her last pregnant picture - signifying that she reached 40 weeks.   Little did we know that the next day, miracles would begin to happen....

Barbara - 40 weeks pregnant

     

Common Questions + we're getting down to the wire....

So I talked a bit about the journey, but hadn't really discussed much about the details and some of the questions related to Barbara's pregnancy.  Here are some common questions that are usually asked and/or things we asked our parents...

1.  Did she ever have morning sickness?
Nope,  though every one in a great while she'd be nauseous. 

2.  Did she have any cravings?
Nope, other then things she couldn't eat below.

3.  What did she miss not eating the most?
Coffee, then spam, the hot dogs.  Barbara used to drink 2-3 cups of coffee a day and then she ended up dropping it while we were trying to get pregnant + through out the pregnancy.

Moving on...it had been a while since we last got to see Connor on the screen.  We're around the 32 week mark (~October) where we got to see our little guy again.

Connor - 32 weeks

Our first thought was man, he looks evil/angry.  But we then started imagining more about what he actually looks like - does he look like mom?  dad?  neither?  The only thing we could confirm is that he had some hair which was great and that he was pointing in the right direction, but facing the wrong way.  Over the next few months, Barbara had to do various exercises (let her belly hang down, while leaning on the couch/chair) and also did a lot of walking to get Connor turned around.   

As the weeks went by and days were closer, we started getting to the 36 week mark which meant more frequent trips to the doctor and also that he'd be at term and could come out at any time....

Superman or My Little Pony?

So now that we've revealed that we're having a kid, we now go into a waiting mode where we anxiously await the next ultrasound so that we can know the gender of our baby.  Over the next few months, Barbara and I go through names for either gender and I swear we went through a million variations.

The main criteria:
1.  Is it a name that our parents can pronounce?  Immigrant Koreans have a hard time with certain names - mainly anything with a lot of "L's" - For instance, one name that Barbara liked was Liam, but it got nixed because Koreans tend to turn L's into R's and it would've sounded like "Ree-am."

2.  The name could not be associated with someone that has annoyed/wronged Barbara in her life.  What I came to find out is that Barbara didn't necessarily have a lot of enemies, but just a lot of people that she flat out didn't like.

Our top choices ended up being Connor for a boy and we didn't necessarily come up with a top girl name, but we'd probably choose some variation of Eva, Ava, or if Barbara twisted my arm enough, Olive or Olivia.  I don't think there was any specific significance to any of the names other then we liked it and it met the criteria above.

So as we go into the ultra sound, we're now safely past the 1st trimester and Barbara is starting to a show a little bit.  You can see this little baby bump and it was amazing to see that growth.  We were warned beforehand that the technician, Kevin, was a little bit of a kook and he turned out to be exactly as described.  He was this lively Japanese fellow who made a lot of corny jokes, but he meant well and we actually enjoyed his humor.  As he's progressing through the various parts, we can now see the body of our baby (not just a little tadpole/egg) and you can see the head.  We both tear up a bit because it's so amazing to see what we had created and how it's grown in a few short months.  Kevin then says "I know what you're having....do you wanna know?  20 bucks!" jokingly.  After a while we progresses through and shows a picture that he describes as the bottom of the kid.  In so many words, he says there's his butt and what do you think that is...which essentially was the penis and that we were having a boy!

We would've been excited no matter the outcome, but we both knew our families would be rather proud/happy that we were having a boy.  In traditional Asian cultures, men are seen as the ones that can carry the blood line, provide for the family, etc.  In my family that is definitely more important, where as Barbara's family was a little more split.  Some were more traditional and wanted a boy, but she had some that were hoping for a girl.  They have a little more of a soft spot for them over there.

So we had a reveal party for our friends and it was graciously hosted by your Auntie Kim and Uncle Zach.  Barbara ended up stuffing a piñata with mints that were wrapped in blue and pink and then added some random candy in between.  The idea was to have the girls count how many blues (boy) and pink (girl) and whatever had the most would end up being the reveal of gender.  The game turned out so differently....Nhu-y ended up breaking open the piñata and the candy flew.  The girls immediately looked at the candy and were perplexed.  We had to explain that there was some math involved, but it was also funny because Nhu-y was confused on what the random candy meant.  She brought us some smarties/double bubbles and asked "what does this mean?"  After it was all said and done, they figured out it was a boy and they were all excited for us.  We ended up watching the DVD of the ultrasound afterwards and just talking about the possibilities of what it'll be like to have our little boy to join the group of friends.

So this is a little awkward...

Connor, if you're reading this, you'll probably notice that I'm writing a lot about your history, but by this time you've already been born!  The main explanation really is that I didn't get completely inspired to do this until way after the fact and it's taken me some time to catch up and I'll explain in later blogs but long story short is that you didn't give me much time to sleep so when I had free time, that's all I did.

Anyway, as the story continues....so we've now fully confirmed that Connor exists and now the long wait of the first trimester.  As I mentioned previously, we were cautious in telling anyone that we were pregnant - it took us so long to get here, we just didn't want to jinx it until we knew the chances were slim that there would be complications with the pregnancy (i.e. after the 1st trimester).

Honestly, the first trimester was pretty uneventful other than the fact that we were going to have a kid.  But more along the lines of symptoms...Barbara didn't really have any cravings, didn't have any morning sickness, and just went about her business.  There wasn't a whole lot going event wise between our friends, so we really didn't have to do anything to hide the fact that we were pregnant.

The first people we told were Connor's Auntie Michelle and his Uncle Brendan.  These were our best friends and wanted to share the good news.

So I'll start with Brendan because the ironic part was right before I went to China, I shared a story with him about our struggles to get pregnant and just how hard a time we were having emotionally at that point in time.  This was a story that no one really knew as we kept it pretty private - both from a pride and also an embarrassment stand point.  Little did I know as I was having that conversation with him, Connor was already starting to make a home in Barbara's stomach.  When I told him that we were pregnant, he was obviously overjoyed and happy for us!

With Michelle, Bob had a little ploy to get her over by asking her to "pick up" some stuff from the house.  When she came in, they obviously got to talking and Bob showed her the 1st ultra sound picture of Connor and provided no explanation.  Michelle then said "What's this?" and kind of had that "No way!" look on her face before tearing up which then proceeded to both Barbara and I shedding the water works as well.  Michelle was another of the select few that understood our struggles and knew how hard of a time we were having.

After those two, we then proceeded to tell our immediate families.  Bob's mom cried and her dad cracked a smile (which isn't always easy to do) while my dad got super excited for 30 secs then proceeded to continue building a shelf for my sister.  I called my mom while she was in Korea and she had a similar reaction of "that's great...but let me get back to business..."  One thing to know is that Connor's grandpa (my dad) is a little bit of a blabber mouth.  I had told him that he couldn't tell anyone we were pregnant until after our 1st trimester and he said he understood.  The next week he goes to Korea and returns with a bunch of baby gifts from various relatives.  I got mad at my dad and all he could say is "Why be mad?  This is great news and we should share it!"  Argh!

Anyway, our big reveal was after a celebration for Barbara's birthday.  We ended up getting a big group of people out to watch Star Trek: Into Darkness and after the movie I ask every one to get together for a group picture.  Once they line up, I shout out "Ready?  On three!  1, 2, Barbara's pregnant!"  And the reaction is kind of funny because there are a lot of weird looks of "Wait did he say that?  No..."  Once a I repeated, there were a lot of hugs, some tears, and just a lot of love.

Next post will be about how we found out your gender and how it got revealed...

Happy Thanksgiving!

A few weeks after the confirmed news, we had to make a decision…where will our kid be born and what doctor would we go with?

We ended up going with Dr. Pollard and delivering at the El Camino Hospital in Los Gatos because both Nhu-y and Michelle had delivered their kids there and also Barbara had heard a lot of horror stories when it came to delivering kids at Kaiser.  Once we made the decision, we set up an appointment and a few weeks later we had our first ultrasound.

Admittedly we were both pretty nervous mainly because we weren't sure what to expect.  Right off the bat, we realized Dr. Pollard was pretty kooky - lots of energy, not really a calming presence, but you did get a feeling she knew what she was doing.  Once she got Barbara hooked up the machine, one of the most amazing visuals came up on the screen.  We saw this little oval, no bigger then a bean show up on the screen.  You then saw these flashes go on and off which signified the heart beat.  Both of us held hands and teared up at this little miracle.  We also found out that the initial due date was going to be around late November - Thanksgiving baby.  Dr. Pollard told us that things looked good and that we'd get another appointment after the 1st trimester.  We left relieved and excited about what was to come next.

1st month ultrasound - 04/12/2013

The hardest part was not being able to tell anyone about this joyous occasion.  This is some of the best news we've ever had, but we were very superstitious about needing to get past the 1st trimester before telling anyone.  The ironic part was shortly after our first ultrasound, our friends Josh and Jenny had just announced that they were pregnant and they then asked us when we were next and we just had to coyly say "Who knows, maybe we'll try this year."  Lucky for us, Barbara didn't really have any pregnancy symptoms which made it even easier for us to hold our secret.

Obviously if you look at the time stamps, this blog is being created after the fact of some of these events and the ironic part is that we thought Connor would be here by now and celebrating his first Thanksgiving with us and our families.  Every year we can always say that we're thankful for being healthy, happy, have jobs, have families, but I think this year is different.  This year both of us are extremely thankful that we're going to be expanding our family and that we'll provide all the love and support that we can give to our little guy.